I watch this stool below me lying on the floor as I slowly sway from side to side,
It hit the floor with such a force when I kicked it out from under my bare feet,
Everything is flashing before my eyes in quick bursts of happiness and sorrow,
I remember the very first kiss that I shared with my childhood friend,
Such a childish game we used to play when we were young and stupid,
When I spun the glass bottle I sat with such anticipation hoping for my wish at the time,
The bottle bounced as it spun in place on the old wooden floor of the apartment,
Slowly it came to a stop pointing to the girl and I was filled with an exuberant feeling,
She looked at me with such a soft face and she stood as I looked at her in awe,
I rose taking her hand as we stepped into the bathroom together turning the lights out,
I leaned forward kissing softly and tenderly not wanting to ruin the passionate moment,
She responded to my heart felt emotional kiss with her own meaningful embracing kiss,
Lost in the moment for an eternity my heart softened as my knees weakened by her kiss,
Emerging from that bathroom having felt something that was beyond our comprehension,
I never could look at her the same and my feelings towards her remain strong to this day,
But feeling and memories of emotions cannot undo the past and the mistakes made,
Her brother was my best friend always having my up most attention,
We spent many days together killing time and growing older and closer with friendship,
The games we played on the playground equipment captivated us for hours,
She was his sister and he was her brother my friendship was strengthened by their bond,
They were together always she was tagging along with Josh and I intrigued by us,
Erin never questioned our actions as we led her into one of our many ambushes on her,
She always enjoyed life and Josh was so pleased with his sister being happy,
I met them together and with the passing of time and the growing of age we drifted apart,
Having known them made me a better person and let me realize I was dear to someone,
They left this sinful and dreadful place together in the back of a speeding vehicle,
My childhood friends were ripped from me and they will be forever missed in tears,
I have always tried to be a nice person caring about others before myself but it hurts,
I was an angry kid always getting in fights letting everyone know my tormented feelings,
My mother turned her back on my sister and I a long time ago never saying good bye,
She disgusts me more than the knot pulling my hair on the back of my head,
I hate that woman who abandoned us taking my feelings of self worth with her one night,
My anger ran so deep and hurt so much I had one person I could confide in confidently,
She was so much older than I and so understanding with her soft word she brought peace,
We sat in her bedroom on her bed talking to one another as I shared my feelings with her,
She leaned forward and kissed me on the lips briefly holding me in her hands staring,
Her smile was so warm and caring it made me feel at ease looking at her,
Crying I went to her for a shoulder to cry on and she had hate in her eyes looking at me,
Emotional I wanted to feel her presence and needed her touch to ease the pain,
Lashing out at me in my self sympathetic state she kneed me several times and slapped,
My face burned as I lay on the floor crying out of pain and heartache having been broken,
I have moved on in life becoming a colder person devoid of emotions and heartless,
I drift away as my breathing becomes slower and the rope tighter around my neck,
Pulled taught I dangle there and my eyes close as memories that I will never miss flash,
I saw her and thought nothing of it judging before I ever knew her being prejudice,
She was better than me and had more friends being outspoken and very confident,
I watched her in class sitting across the room on the outskirts of a small group of people,
I sat there being almost caught up in my solitude watching her be perfect at everything,
She looked smiling briefly then looked away as her friends whisper in her ear laughing,
After class I walked alone drudging to my next class with my head held down,
She walked up to me and spoke to me politely asking my name then walking off,
Form that one act of kindness it being intentional or otherwise our friendship blossomed,
We spent every moment together that we could and talked relentlessly on the phone,
Skipping school to be with one another we embraced and slowly went from there,
Lying in bed together we held each other closely nearing our peak of intimacy,
She spoke into my ear and I told her I wanted it to be the right time to express our love,
That time never came as she was pulled from my life faster than I could cope with,
I attended her funeral and shed not a single tear holding it in being strong and resilient,
That evening I had not a single tear left in my body as I lay on the floor in pain,
The tears flowed so freely that I could not cope with my emotions and I ached all over,
Another person that I cared and loved had been taken from me and I didn't know,
I didn't know how to handle it and I couldn't deal with the pain of all the lose,
That night I lost my faith in ever being happy as among other things in my life,
No one could understand that it was not just one thing that drove me to this,
It has been a never ending chain of sorry moments and sad memories better forgotten,
I stop breathing my last breath letting the world know what I think with my silence,
The silence has been overwhelming and has wanted to scream out for so long,
This is my protest to the flawed emotions of living and this is my good bye
